For Squee.....................Because.

Well it seems I have misplaced my tongue. That is to say..... I tried to put it in Andrea's mouth.... Not sure what to think of myself there.... Grant it, I was substantially high and so was everyone there except Mike and John (pussies), but I really don't think that excuses my gayness seeing as I've pulled shit like that with other women. I want to blame it on my tongue ring. Since I got my tongue pierced I've wanted to make out furiously and no real opportunity presented itself... so I was sitting next to Andrea and thinking about how gorgeous she is... and what the hell?... let's kiss. I think I freaked her out, though, which is kinda funny and very awkward at the same time. But I'm smart and got it on film. Hells yeah! Unfortunately, I respect Andrea enough to not post it all over the internet. Sorry, boys.

Well today is payday! And we all know what that means! Yes, this time I will be spending my OWN money on drugs and booze (as opposed to other people's money). Byron is coming into town tomorrow and I want to get fucked up together, so my wages will more likely than not be going toward alcohol this weekend (I know, Ganj... I'm sorry... but this is just how it has to be....... I'll never forget you..... *sniff*). Oh what the hell! Booze and weed! God, Amanda's going to be so drunk. Maybe I'll get to play with her breasts finally.

Put in an application at S. Abraham and Sons... I pray to Jesus they give me a call. I really want this job. It's high time (heh... high time.....) I moved out and got a place of my own. Amanda found the sweetest apartments off Burton; two bedrooms for $500 a month, and you can have up to two dogs. Fuck yeah, dogs! Maybe dad will buy me that corgy. So anywho, I hope all that goes well.

Respect the Trees!!!

Sara left this comment on my xanga, and I would like all of your opinions.

Bethany. Stay the fuck out of things that don't concern you. You don't know what the fuck I do. We've grown so far apart. How about you go get stoned like you always do and keep me business out of you mouth. You don't know the things you talk about. Posted 2/19/2006 at 6:07 PM by A_Pagan_Wonder - delete - block user

I dignified her comment with this response.

I happen to know exactly what I'm talking about. The reason you don't have any friends anymore is because you treat everyone like scum. No one is trying to hurt you, Sara. Everytime we open our mouths to be helpful, you flip out like a child. These relationships are only over because you've detroyed them and pissed on the ashes with your selfishness and selfrighteousness. You can try to justify the things you did to Andrea, but that doesn't make you a better person for it. We loved you, shared our world with you, even forgave you when you turned on us; and you have the balls to say we have forsaken you and we don't understand you, and we're such shitty friends. It's bullshit and you fucking know it. I never did a damn thing to deserve your scorn and you gave it to me anyway.  It's because of your own actions that your life is the way it is. You sent yourself to Wedgewood. You chased everybody away. You created your own misery and now you're making it worse by spreading blame and hatred. You can condemn me for being a pothead all you want, but you were worse than I am now, and you still talk about how all you want to do it get out of Wedgewood so you can get blown. There's a term for that, you know: HYPOCRISY! So next time you feel like pointing the finger, do us all a favor and cut off your fucking hand.

I think it was a bit harsh of me, but I'm sick of the way Sara treats others, especially the people who are supposed to be her friends, the people who busted their asses for her happiness. I know what I said is going to hurt her, and I've tried so hard to avoid that, but she needs to hear these things. I'm sorry to have lost her friendship, but in the same sense I'm not sorry at all because it was a one-sided, abusive, relationship. All Sara did was take take take, and then she had the nerve to call me the bitch. I gave her everything. I sacrificed for her and never expected a damn thing in return, and she pissed all over me. I hated it when she didn't have cigarettes and would get violent and scream at me if I didn't have any to give her. I hated the way she treated Amanda. I hated the way I treated Amanda when I was with Sara (although I can't blame Sara for my actions). I hated the way she'd call me two-faced if I was nice to anyone she didn't like. I hated the way she was obsessed with breaking into people's xanga's and trying to ruin their lives. I hated the way I followed her around like a little patsy and did everything she told me to do. I hated the way she used to call her mother worthless when she needed her daughter's love the most. I hate the way she condemns us for getting high all the time, when getting high is all she talks about when she is home. I hate the way she tries to justify the way she treated Andrea. BUT I HAVE NEVER HATED SARA, AND I STILL DON'T. I want to. I want to hate her so badly, but I won't let myself. Because by hating her, I will turn into her, and that is the last thing I want. Don't misunderstand me, she isn't scum. She's just flawed. Flawed like me, like you, like the rest of humanity. But I'm not going to let her do these things to us any longer. I am speaking my mind, and if my words come back to haunt me, so be it. But I want Sara to understand how horrible she has been to people. I want her to truly change, and not just say she's changing. And I know the things I've said will piss her off so much, but sometimes the truth can do that to you.

I loved you, Sara. Why did you throw that away?